False Sense of Financial Security
Did you know that according to a Forbes article nearly half of the women surveyed said they had “financial surprises” during the divorce? Say what?!
Here is a short list of the things I have seen with my clients
changing life insurance beneficiaries
setting up separate business entities
establishing private bank accounts
transferring money to another family member
taking loans from 401ks and more!
Furthermore, here are a few comments women may hear from their spouse in hopes to keep things “amicable.”
· You will be well taken care of.
· You don’t need to have the business valued. It isn’t worth anything.
· You can keep the house – and I will keep my pension.
This is what I call creating a false sense of financial security.
So, what is a false sense of financial security and how does it play out for some people in the divorce process?
It is where the person who has knowledge and access to financial information portrays the narrative in a way that prevents the other party from asking questions, gathering information, or advocating for themselves. It is a subtle approach that is positioned to come from a place of wanting to take care of the other person. Let’s use the house as an example. They often say things like… Do you really think that I would not take care of you and the kids? Do you really think I would leave you and the kids homeless? If keeping the house is important because you want to provide consistency for you and your children, then you may feel like your spouse is being generous. You feel a sigh of relief. He really is trying to make sure the kids and I can stay in the house. However, do you know what you are giving up in exchange for this generous offer?
This false sense of financial security usually keeps women from asking additional questions, demanding full transparency of the finances, and making sure that they have ALL the information before making a decision. Your spouse may withhold financial information, avoid sharing passwords, make financial decisions without you, open credit cards in your name, submit tax returns without your signature, provide a fixed allowance for you to spend each month, etc.
Furthermore, your spouse may not only be withholding information from you but also from their divorce attorney or the family court system by implementing what I call the D.A.M. method around disclosing financial information.
· Dodging the disclosure statement
· Avoiding getting assets valued by third party (Real estate, businesses, pensions, etc.)
· Missing supporting documentation
And what if you agree to these preliminary offers?
Well, you may have a more difficult time moving from that position. Why? Because if you are like many of my clients, you want to honor your word. You said you would accept their offer, and you certainly don’t want to seem selfish or ungrateful. I will tell you it is ok to revisit the options as more information becomes available. You can change your mind. You can ask questions. You can request additional information. You can say, “I am happy to make a swift decision when I have all the information.”
The stats show us the women’s lifestyle goes down on average 41% after the divorce is over, and I believe the D.A.M. method contributes to women agreeing to settlement proposals that are not fair, not equitable and not in their best interest. So, Rhonda what can we do about it?
First, it is important to know your next best move.
Second, it is important to turn on your private investigator skills. Women make good private investigators when they need to be, and my clients have found information that shocks their spouse! No more private affairs. No more little blue pills. No more private accounts.
Here are five immediate things you can do.
· Download the credit karma app to proactively monitor your credit
· Start watching the mail for clues for companies that may be holding assets, debts, etc.
· Consider signing up for informed delivery, a free service through the USPS, to get an email that shows the mail that is scheduled at your home daily
· Reach out to the IRS to get a copy of your tax transcripts
· Listen to my podcast called Divorce Conversations for Women
These are just the beginning of things you can do! While I’m all about practical, immediately applicable action steps, there are advanced divorce financial strategies available too—empowering you to get from crisis to closure in six months or less.
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